Moms & Teen Daughters : 7 Ways to Improve Your Relationship

Did you know that the mother and daughter bond is one of the most powerful relationships of all times?

This connection is a delicate dance that influences everything – from the child’s health and self-esteem to all of her other relationships, the author of the book Mother-Daughter Wisdom, Dr. Christiane Northrup explains.

From carrying her in the belly for 9 months and reading her books to fall asleep, to comforting her when she has her first breakup, a mother’s influence throughout a daughter’s different growing phases, is one of the most fascinating life occurrences.

But, this connection is not an easy and straightforward one and a lot of challenges happen along the way, especially as young girls enter puberty and their need for individuality increases.

All of a sudden, your once sweet little girl who loved every move you made is now an adolescent who is constantly blaming you of “embarrassing her” or asks you to “leave her alone”. Your little one is gradually transforming into an adult so we need to adjust.

This being said, it’s important for mothers to understand the changes their teen is going through and to do their best to maintain a strong relationship.

But, should you just sit and wait for this traumatic period to pass? Of course not. A mother’s guidance is important throughout her daughter’s life, especially in adolescence.

Mothers who lack the skills to help guide their daughter through adolescence, fail to teach by example, the relationship building skills their children will need throughout their lives.

This article will help mothers to discover their potential to manage this complex relationship by sharing 7 important insights.

7 Ways to Improve Your Teen Daughter Relationship

In the words of Margarita Trtakovsky from Psych Central, the mother-daughter relationship is complex and variable. Some daughters and mothers are best friends while others avoid any risk of conflict. Others talk through everything and there are those who avoid certain topics.

Nevertheless, as it is often the case in any relationship, things will not always go as smoothly as imagined and the relationship with your teen girl is no exception.

She may no longer be keen on telling you how her day went or may start to “stand up to you” and question your decisions, behavior, etc.

To some extent, this type of attitude in young girls is considered normal; however, it may start to break down the bond you worked so hard to build.

Regardless of the type of connection you have with your teen daughter, there is always space for improvement, if you know the right methods. Check out our 7 tips below on how to improve the connection between you and your teen.

  1. Be a good listener

Growing teens want and need to be listened to with utmost respect. So, your daughter needs to see that you are always available to listen to what she has to share and feel that they can tell you everything.

 

Of course, this never means you have to accept and agree with all of the things they tell you -the focus is elsewhere. A sensible mother who understands her teenage daughter needs to let her speak openly without interrupting her. You can ask her if she wants to hear your opinion after she has finished.

 

If she says no, don’t worry – by speaking her thoughts and opinions out loud, she will gain a better perspective into her issue and strengthen her problem-solving skills. You are there to steer her in the best direction, not to make her decisions for her.

  1. Keep the communication going

Often times, just because they are our daughters and we are their mothers, we assume that our communication is good and we think we know how the other side feels without asking.

 

But, assumptions can be quite tricky, especially in parenting. Communication may diminish in adolescence and it’s not uncommon for teenage girls to become more distant from their parents.

 

Now, they share less with you than they did before. Your teen may confide in her friends more and this is a normal process; however, she also needs your guidance. So, how do you give your daughter the needed space without reducing effective communication?

 

According to Debbie Pincus, a licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience, the key is to start from a place of understanding even when we don’t fully understand.

 

Though it can be challenging to begin conversations with your daughter calmly and full of understanding, it is essential to practice. We need to realize that our children have their own realities, just like we have our own. Therefore, approach them with complete honesty to receive the same.

 

Once you learn how to put yourself in your daughter’s shoes, she will open up her ears and will not feel the need to defend herself, but will listen to your advice. You will find that empathy is a very powerful tool.

 

  1. Resolve conflicts

According to Linda Mintle, a family and marriage therapist with 30 years of clinical experience and a best-selling author, one of the bases of a healthy and satisfying marriage is fixing damages fast.

 

When two partners are in a healthy relationship, they don’t bury their heads in the sand when it comes to conflict, they deal with it. The same goes for mothers and daughters.

 

Even though your teen girl may be stubborn, angry and avoid talking to you after a disagreement, you shouldn’t sweep things under the carpet. Once the situation has calmed down, return to the reason for the conflict and try to find a solution or how to better the situation.